A Mindful Way Through Anxiety
Is our anxiety caused by factors in our life, or generated through the lens of our own stories?
We all experience anxiety sometimes. It can make us feel crazy. Ultimately, if we practice mindfulness meditation the anxiety often dissipates. In reality however, meditating is sometimes too far of a stretch from where we are, and we need to be mindful of what is needed.
I use two conceptual models that give a cognitive understanding of what might be happening. These maps are both informative, and over time, allow the mind to settle enough to start to meditate and build greater ongoing calm, stability of mind and resilience.
THE FIRST MODEL shows the four main areas that can cause stress.
- Physical – Health problems, exercise, sleep
- Biochemical – Brain chemistry, hormones, toxins, substance abuse
- Social – Relationships, work, finances, leisure, domestic life
- Psychological – Personality, self talk, emotions, identity, beliefs, values, passions, purpose, character
Based on our genetic makeup and vulnerability to anxiety, the build of of stress from any of these four areas can accumulate until we feel anxiety. Once we experience anxiety, we either recognise and address it, or it builds and builds until eventually we have anxiety or panic attacks, get overwhelmed and eventually feel the despair of burnout or depression.
I recently worked with a lawyer who had suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for fifteen years. He had lots of therapy with various people, attended support group meetings, changed habits etc. When I met him we discovered that the panic was really Hypoglycaemia. When he stopped eating sugar and drinking coffee, his anxiety all but disappeared, reinforcing the need to be mindful of all the causes of anxiety and not assume it is always psychological.
THE SECOND MODEL comes from the Eastern traditions and is about the Two Truths.
- Absolute truth – ultimate picture – wisdom
- Relative truth – mundane world – compassion
It is about recognising that we see things in different ways at different times. In moments of clarity we recognise that all is well, that people are as they are, that we are as we are, that unpleasant moments pass, and pleasant moments pass. And we are calm and clear.
We have the wisdom to make useful decisions that serve ourselves, the people around us and the planet. We see the ultimate reality that we are but specs of dust in the landscape of time. All in this humanness together. This is Absolute truth born of wisdom.
And then … there are moments when we only see our own pain, our own stories, and we believe them and get lost in them.
We judge and blame, fear judgment from others and ourselves, we are reactive, we fear loss, we feel inadequate, we do not prioritise time and energy and end up acting against values and consequently get more stressed. We lack order, feel confused and yet don’t ask, we lose sight of our own strengths, and are unable to see things as they are.
We can’t always calibrate whether the anxiety is alerting and guiding us to see something important, or trapping us in a distorted lens. And we respond with anger, tears or avoiding the unpleasant. This is Relative truth, as we react to our mundane existence. We need compassion.
I recently worked with senior professional who was experiencing extreme anxiety and panic attacks, afraid of being caught out as a fake (called imposter syndrome) creating some significant challenges in his work environment. From the perspective of Absolute truth (ultimate reality), we know there is no need for, or much value in, anxiety… But, when we are caught in the anxiety of the Relative truth (our mundane world) we are unable to see things as they really are. We need compassion for what we are experiencing regardless of how accurate or inaccurate our perceptions are. In those moments we need compassion so we can calm ourselves and regain perspective.
So, I introduced this man to the first model and explained the range of different factors that accumulate to create anxiety, and he calmed as he realised that he had recent and chronic stresses in a number of those areas. For different people different aspects are relevant, and for this man understanding his own personality was the key factor.
He is an introvert not an extrovert. He had felt inadequate next to his colleagues, who wanted him to be more like them. Both had missed the true value of his gifts and the needs of his personality. Curiously, he earned more income, and developed stronger relationships with clients for the company than anyone else, and yet no one had registered the introvert qualities as the gifts he brought, rather than as qualities to be changed.
Seeing this, then learning to be mindful of his own needs and gifts, alleviated much of his self-judgment, and generated some self-compassion as he saw the extent to which this one dimension had been the cause of so much anxiety in subtle and gross ways for decades. Over two-three sessions, he started to view himself and his interactions very differently, was a lot calmer and then we started to meditate.
Meditation will often calm us and allow us to regain perspective (clarity and wisdom) sometimes it is kind and wise to also give the mind information to hold on to, to understand and trust before it lets itself rest and soften into meditation.